SCARED!!!!!!!

so this time tomorrow i will have had my oh so scary ESA medical assessment to see if i am able to work.

now those of you who know me know how UNWELL i am. i cant even use a loo and have to wee in incontinence pads. i have to be helped every time i need to wee or pooh, as i am now a bedpan user. even my commode is getting less used.

i often cant clean myself up after as i am so weak and exhausted from the exertion of using a bedpan, well actually from weeing/poohing.

i collapse after doing number twos

i cant sit up for more than 30 seconds before dizziness so extreme kicks in and i begin to faint/collapse and on occasions pass out.

every day at some point i become so fatigued and ill from the exhaustion that i begin the vomit procedure. which involves my temperature rocketing become shaky and unable to cope with light noise or movement as all these make the vomiting more likely to happen. i have to lie still in a dark quiet room infront of a fan. the fan itself sometimes cant be used as the noise makes the symptoms worse.

the above doesn't even start to cover my daily troublees but yet i am still s cared as the benefits system here in the uk adopts a 'scare 'em silly' policy and is VERY corrupt when it comes to their 'assessment' system.

the 'doctors' are more often not medically trained. they have very little understanding of individual illnesses. things like dizziness and faintness dont register on the computer programmes they use. ARGH

and to top it all they lie. out rightly Lie. manipulate and are deceitful in their actions. which i have experienced first hand when a DWP doctor got me to sign a paper that shouldnt have been signed untill the end. it was to say i greed with all he had written during the assessment which hadnt even happened yet. the doctor then went on to talk about India. did very little actually medical tests.

BUT on the bright side this last few weeks has brought some interesting visitors to me bed.....and i literally mean my bed!!

mr frog brought In by my cat as her last bout of energy before she died :( the frog scared me as it suddenly jumped to escape!!

yes that is a live chicken!!

my friends fuzzy dog!

now this wasnt in my bed but it counts as it was an evil huge i mean HUGE fuzzy spider. luckily(for me not him!!) it died in a vat of wee....bedpans are excellent spider catchers!!

and yes this is a slug....HORRIBLE!!!!!

byebyeebyebeye :)