provision and trust

ive had the weirdest few weeks, so full of amaazing things, troubles, heartache, sickness and a large dose of WAAA?!?!?!?!

i have an adorable kitten currently killing fluff or a spider. she got spayed for free thanks to a cat charity. next to me is a powered wheelchair that again i have for free as yet another amazing charity paid for it. its worth over £1000. under my pillow(and not for long!!)

is an envelope containing £200 for me and my mum so we can go for respite care at an amazing private hospital. i had a phone call from another person giving us £240 towards it. others have got together over £800. i got given free clothes that are more beautiful than i would have picked. last week i got a free fish tank with pump gravel etc. my carer went to buy me a fish and her little girl gave some of her pocket money so i could have two. they also brought me the food to feed them.....and honestly this isnt even the tip of the ice burg!! and yet something in me still doubts the awesome love and power of Gods provision. its like i doubt its all real. or that suddenly a wind will come and sweep it away and i will be lost in the dust again.

last week i bid on a papasan chair on ebay. i dont normally win things on ebay..normally it gets outbidded, usually i stick to buy it now!! but this chair struck me as right for me(though on a side note check measurements first!!!) and i got it! yippeeee. but it doesnt end there! i asked my bro in law if he could collect it for me, but that fell through a couple of times. i was despairing about how to get it as im bedbound and crippleyituseee. so wondering what on earth to do i ring the lady and say she can resell it..she is happy to hold on to it untill i find someone to collect it. its in essex im in watford....BIG GAP!!
next few days no luck untill she sends an email. it turns out my next door neighbour has brought a sofa from her and is collecting it then next day!! neighbours are asked if they can get my chair too and they do...so odd!!

chair is comfy

chair is HUGE!!

so why oh why oh why is trusting God so hard!! we've had food left on our doorstep when we are hungry, pegs when all mums were broken. ive been lent a phone with silly amounts of credit just as i cant afford to top mine up this month. life is baffling so baffling.

i think i need to come back and read this again and again and again and again until it sinks in that GOD IS BIG ENOUGH TO LOOK AFTER ME!!

worry indeed is a disease....oh how i wish to be free from it!

oh the plus side my fish have a tardis. im waiting for them to go in as fish and to come out as hippos...small hippos of course