ive not blogged for a while as ive been too ill to attempt it and by the time i get to my blog im too tiered and have forgotten what i was going to say! im better at facebook ;)
so since my last blog life has changed looooads! this time next week il be in respite care for two weeks at a private christian hospital. which i couldnt have gone too without the massive support in dosh from so many lovely people.
i am very scared as it means being super vulnerable with new people. and by vulnerable i mean baring all...literally!! im so weak now that toileting help involves help to clear up, which is a pretty emotional thing when you are only 26.
i do feel stripped bare in my heart and spirit, like layers are crumblnig away from me, its made me realise how much of a breeze i feel, so small and thin and unnoticeable except by those who are desperate enough or tuned in enough to feel the breeze on their skin.
maybe thats the way God made me. to be gentle and hidden rather than out there being loud and showy!
i do prefer being a breeze than a foghorn, never thought id say that! though i cant really merge into a crowd in a wheelchair, ive forgotten what it feels like to merge into a crowd, content enough in who i am to look around me, wondering about these peoples lives, thoughts interests etc. i used to love making stories for these strangers and praying for their days. especially the ones who have sadness in their faces, i want to hug those people and take them to a coffee shop.
why do we have so few tea shops now? its all coffee coffee coffee and lets face it, try as we might, England IS a tea land!!
i love tea
i allso love this mug http://www.naturalcollection.com/shop/reusable-tea-lovers-cup-by-dci/
i dont know how to make it a picture. if i went out i would buy this to walk all cosyfied to work....maybe one day :)
id like to go out walking. its been years now :( i loved autumn and winter. stepping outside into the cold cold night, leaves blowing about and the cold air flushing your cheeks as you try to hide them in that ginormous scarf that you want to live in! walking as the streets are so quiet, hearing your own footsteps, a sound i havnt heard for years....my own footsteps.....................
:(
hope.........................................................strange word, strange feeling. sometimes i dont know how to feel about this word. sometimes it feels spiteful, sometimes comforting, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes infuriating, and sometimes empty.
cold and empty
but the cold and empty do have one thing going for them.
they make me want to be full and warm. and that is where hope becomes alive, by jesus. not me. not the people around me, only jesus can make a word alive. and when its alive it is so in a season and my season i hope is now.
i want a pet leaf
